i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I FOUND THE LEGS
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
