yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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