Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
