im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
