I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
