"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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