he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
