Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
