WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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