nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
