I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
