She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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