found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
