i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize