don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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