How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
