i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
