I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
