I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
