ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
