he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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