Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
