Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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