Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
