fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize