Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
