Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
