OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This girl is more easily done than said...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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