he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
