I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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