We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
