So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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