i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
