This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
