I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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