Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
