I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
