just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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