i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
