RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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