You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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