hotel room ftw
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
