If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
