So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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