I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
