We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize