he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
