i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
A bitchslap is in order.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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