i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize