brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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