We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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