Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
