I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
