Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
