fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
