I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
