the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
