Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize