I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize