party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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