i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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