You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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