i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
