im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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